It goes something
like this. The cover girls say, “Don’t
let yourself be seen as an object! Cover
up, and help those hormone crazed men.” Then
the bikini band replies, “Wear what you want!
Men should take some personal responsibility for their own thoughts and
actions.”
One of my biggest issues with this debate is that both sides
are right!...and wrong. But we’ll get to
that in next post. Let’s instead start with
my absolute biggest beef with the debate which is this: no one seems to be
focusing on the core issue: What Modesty
really is. If we want to decide whether Modesty is a helpful or harmful thing, maybe we should explore what it actually encompasses. If you want a little hint, re-read today’s title
Look it up and this is what you’ll find.
mod·est
adj.
1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one's own talents,
abilities, and value.
2. Having or proceeding from a
disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident. See
Synonyms at shy1.
3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.
4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. See Synonyms
at plain.
5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity,
or range; not extreme: a modest price; a
newspaper with a modest circulation.
Modest
1.having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity,egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions.
2.free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modest house.
3.having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modestneckline on a dress.
4. limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modest increase in salary.
Some synonyms include:
humble - unassuming - unpretentious - lowly - moderate
|
mod·es·ty
[mod-uh-stee] Show
IPA
noun, plural mod·es·ties.
1.the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
2.regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
3.simplicity; moderation.
(www.dictionary.com)
Clothing is mentioned very little in these definitions, so
let’s just forget about fashion all together for a second.
As far as I can tell, a modest person would be someone not
focused on appearance and esteem. He
would not be caught up in comparisons or competitions, but comfortable with a
simple lifestyle and little praise.
If there is one time I remember my Mother teaching me about
modesty it was when I was 15. I had just
won a couple of prestigious art awards and was pretty pleased with myself. As we walked around looking at all the other
paintings and sculptures, my hand carrying the certificates and medals became
heavy. I folded my arms, and without
noticing, propped my most prestigious award across my chest facing out. My mom finally nudged me and whispered
something like, “You’d probably make everyone feel more comfortable if you
weren’t facing the award out for everyone to see.” Without realizing it, I had been flaunting! I quickly flipped the awards around, and
hoped that no-one thought I was trying to assert my amazing awesomeness over
them.
This life can feel like one big competition. Who’s driving the nicest car? Who’s house is cleaner? Who cooks the best gourmet, locally grown, organic, masterpiece of a dinner? If you join the race, it will eat up your time, and
more importantly, your happiness. When
we start seeing our brothers and sisters as competitors, then we lose sight of
what’s really important, loving them.
Humility’s Role
In my humble opinion, humility is at the core of true
modesty. Humility doesn’t mean we have
to lack confidence or hide our light “under a bushel.” It only means that we see ourselves and
others for who and what we really are: children of God. When we are humble, we are more likely to treat others as our spiritual siblings.
Humility also influences our priorities. If we put the approval of God before the
approval of man, then we can simply excuse ourselves from meaningless mental
competitions, and in return win a whole lot of peace and joy.
Back to the hemline and what clothing has to do with all
this inner, warm and fuzzy, metaphysical stuff.
The concept of modesty has gotten a lot of press lately, and the debate
can naturally have strong religious undertones.
But surprisingly the word “Modesty” does not appear in the Bible, or any
other canonized scriptures used by Latter-day Saints. Not once.
The word “Modest” does show up once in 1 Timothy 2:9, discouraging women
from wearing clothing with a lot of adornment.
The words Humble and Humility on the other hand, appear 182 times. This is an important contrast because, "the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart," (1 Samuel 16:7). Heavenly Father cares a lot more about what is
inside our hearts than how long our skirt is.
However, what we feel in our hearts can be reflected through
what we wear. Likewise, what we wear has
the potential to influence how we feel about ourselves, others, and God. Here
are some great examples in the Book of Mormon.
This first example is particularly applicable, because Mormon’s audience is us. He had a vision of what people would be like
in the last days and wrote this description.
Mormon 8:36-37
- And I know that ye do awalk in the pride of your hearts; and there are none save a few only who do not blift themselves up in the pride of their hearts, unto the wearing of cvery fine apparel, unto envying, and strifes, and malice, and persecutions, and all manner of iniquities; and your churches, yea, even every one, have become polluted because of the pride of your hearts.
- For behold, ye do love amoney, and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted.
Here’s a happier example.
Alma 1:27
- And they did aimpart of their substance, every man according to that which he had, to the bpoor, and the needy, and the sick, and the afflicted; and they did not wear costly capparel, yet they were neat and comely.
And while we’re getting all scriptural, let's not forget our friends in the beginning. When Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden they were given a parting gift of clothing (Genesis
3:21). I find this interesting because
the entire reason they were getting booted, had roots in pride, which is the opposite of humility. (I think it should be mentioned that Adam was
punished, not because he obeyed a woman, or his wife, but because he obeyed
another person above obeying God.) Both
Adam and Eve showed some pride in their disobedience, and it seems that as they
transitioned from a life of ease and ignorance, to a life of knowledge,
opposition, and growth, that God’s gift to them was an appropriate one. He knew how Satan could use the precious gift
of our bodies towards our spiritual destruction. Maybe the “coats of skins” were a reminder to
stay humble.
Anyway, as this debate continues to see-saw back and forth
around issues concerning hormones and treating the female body as a
battleground for power, I invite all of us to consider what Modesty really
is. As we try to keep ourselves humble,
I would hope that our interpersonal interactions would be focused more on lifting others more
than ourselves. This is done through
behavior and communication, and part of communications is dress.
But there is so much more to be said on this complex topic. I’ve already written my second installment of
this entry, but I’ll spare you for a few days.
Next time: Where I agree with the
bra burners, Where I agree with the Amish, and Where I think they’re both
missing the boat on Modesty.
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