In my last post I established my biggest issue with the modesty debate: the fact that no-one is focused on modesty as an attribute and what values it reflects. But now, I'd like to sift through some of the good and bad arguments on both sides. Maybe it's my disdain for any two party system, but I don't think either side has it right.
Where I agree with the bikini band:
1. Modesty
in dress IS relative. In other words, what is considered wholesome and good attire here, can be considered extremely risqué somewhere
else, and vice versa. The messages we
may be receiving from someone else’s clothing may be completely wrong.
2. Some
people dress relatively immodestly, even by their own culture’s standards, and
still have pure hearts. Let’s not judge. Motivations for skimping on the skirt could be as simple as the temperature.
3. Although a woman can unintentionally (or even
intentionally) send messages by the way she dresses, she is never taking the
ability to choose away from a man. Victims of sexual assault include women who
aren’t even revealing their eyes, and victims include children. Rape is more about control than sex, so let’s
not shift the blame.
4. Of course men can control their hormones. Let’s give them a little credit! 10 years ago, I went on a study abroad to
Namibia where I lived among the Himba tribe for the first month. Both women and men in the tribe, wore
smallish leather skirts and little else.
Since nothing above the waste is sexualized in their culture, it’s not
covered. I recently asked a fellow
student how he dealt with being surrounded by topless women, when just weeks
before he was chillin’ at the Y with some of America’s most thoroughly clad
people. He said:
From my vantage point I can't dictate what others wear - but my
thoughts are something I can control. Different stages of life I've been better
at that control than others, and looking back that has a lot less to do with
the external environment (i.e. Himba) than my internal one. It's been a good
reminder for me that I am much less concerned with how a woman dresses than how
I translate that image in my mind.
5. People can get a little crazy when focused only on
strict and clear set guides of dress. My
Mom tells a story about her time at BYU.
According to the honor code at the time, women could not wear pants, and
had to wear skirts or dresses. One
student wasn’t allowed into the testing center to take an exam since she had
the audacity to wear something so unbecoming of a lady! So she went to the bathroom, took off her
pants, and hid her bare legs under her trench coat. They let her in, no problem.
I love that story! There’s a point where the letter of the law
backfires on the spirit of the law. Similarly, I've seen some BYU students (including myself at times) get a little judgmental over attire. Sometimes we sacrifice unconditional love, for feeling righteous. Clear rules can be a very good thing, as long as we keep perspective.
Where I agree with the cover girls:
1. We DO send messages with our attire. In my opinion, people who wear sweat pants
with words on the rear end, may as well have a sign on their forehead reading,
“Look at my butt please!” O.k.,
sorry. I probably just offended half of
you. Just speaking from my own butt
reading experience.
"Who said 'clothes make a statement?' What an understatement that was. Clothes never shut up. Thy gabble on endlessly making their intentional and unintentional points." - Susan Brown miller said
2. Why not help a brother out? I don’t see how dressing in a way that does
not call attention to my amazing physique, disempowers me as a woman. Just because men can and should control their
thoughts and actions, doesn’t mean the rest of us should continually push the
norms to increase the level of our sex appeal because it makes us “feel good”
about ourselves.
3. Speaking
of which, it seems like some women want freedom to wear revealing clothes
because it makes them feel good about themselves, and then point the finger at
people who give them attention for wearing these….attention grabbing
styles. Call me crazy, but this has always seemed
contradictory to me. You want to look
hot, but you don’t want to be looked upon as hot. O.k.?
4. “Thirty-five percent of women around the world
have been raped or physically abused, according to statistics the World Health
Organization.”
This makes me want to
simultaneously weep, throw up, and boycott any movie that depicts women as
brainless pleasure machines. The media and
those who patronize poorly done entertainment, are partly at fault,
because when women are portrayed as objects, they are more likely to be treated
as objects. (O.k. that’s an assumption,
but I think it’s a pretty fair one.)
5. Don’t put yourself in stupid situations. Yes, men are responsible for their own
actions. But if you are intoxicating
yourself, while hanging out with intoxicated people, well it’s not exactly a recipe
for complete control of the situation.
6. Asserting
sexual power over men, is not good feminism.
We can accept our sexuality, without using it as some sort of
manipulative tool. If you google images
of “Female Heroines, you’ll find confident looking, seductive women, with more
skin than fabric showing.
That’s right. Don’t mess with a tiny corset and high heeled
boots. They will take you down!
Images of “Female Villains,” are even worse. Except for this woman who kept popping up among the evil seductresses.
Check out the turtle neck. You go girlfriend!
Hollywood is constantly sending us the
message that women can be powerful, as long as they are scantily clad and
sexually appealing.
7.
Girls are taught from a young age that Beauty is
equivalent to Goodness, Goodness brings Love, and Love leads to Happiness. This can be harmful enough of a lesson to
learn, but unfortunately most of the time Beauty is coupled with revealing
clothing and less than intelligent behavior.
Thanks
a lot Disney princesses.
8.
Even though the word Modesty isn’t talked much
about in the scriptures (see my last post), a whole host of other biblical attributes
can be tied to it: chastity, virtue, purity, humility and for some religions, faith and
obedience. That last one can be a doozy.
Caught in between
1.
Bodies are beautiful! I think they should be celebrated! Not even BYU has banned Ballerina tutu’s, Michelangelo’s
David, or Polynesian dance. When it
comes to art, we need to be in tune with the Holy Ghost to know what is
bringing beauty into the world, and what is crude and offensive.
2.
Breastfeeding. This is a good example of how popular perspectives and
strong feelings about modesty have made us toss more important core principles out the window. Feeding and nurturing children? Good, not suggestive. Family unity and health? Good, not vulgar. But American culture tells us that "exposing" breasts in public is wrong?
So what is a mom to do? If you're like most moms I know, you stress out trying hard to schedule nursing your baby at home, and if you can't, you go through extreme lengths to nurse without showing extra skin. And if you're well covered, but you sense that people might be disturbed by the idea of feeding your child, then you put yourself and your child through lots of discomfort to not gross anyone out with your nurturing.
Really, I don’t think it’s my problem if other people are in denial
about the purpose of breasts. I want to be respectful of others, but this is one area, I'm willing to nudge the norms and stretch the concept of our culture's modesty.
Dorthea Lange's photo says it all. O.k. I'm sure this mom has more on her shoulders than Modesty dilemmas. But the exhaustion on her face is a good reflection of what I feel when I struggle to feed my child when I'm anywhere but secluded.
Rather than thinking of flaunting voluptuousness
as a step, I think of it (for some people) as evidence of intentions that already
exist. What we wear can affect our
thoughts and motivations, but I think the reverse is more often the case.
In conclusion when the debate revolves around Oppression vs.
Protection concepts, I just can’t choose a side. I don’t think the primary reason for dressing
modestly, should be about protecting the poor male “species” that is incapable of self control. And I don’t think showing your stuff liberates women from the oppression of male dominance. When people start treating the female body
like a battlefield to be fought over and won, our plans can really
backfire. For instance, back in 2011 a couple of policemen made some thoughtless comments about women being responsible for their own rapes since they were scantily clad. It resulted in the Slutwalks of 2011 when women all over the world decided to practically streak in parades to claim their bodies and freedom back. Yes, people who blame women for violence acted upon them are wrong, but is presenting yourself as an object because it makes you feel “happy,” really going to help the situation? And why does it make you feel "happy" in the first place?
I don't think arguments over how we dress should revolve around testosterone, or rape. Let's just jump out of the control struggle ring for a moment, and consider our wardrobes as an expression of our relationship with Heavenly Father. If we are relying on him, and respect his opinion more than man's; if we are filled with charity, and put other's needs before our own, I think we will be modest people, in the broadest sense of the word. If we focus more on internal principles and how they are reflected through our actions, we will be happier for it.
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